Go Do The Thing!

This picture is of my son, right before his first ever Homecoming dance. A dance he decided to go to…alone. He coordinated with some friends to meet up at the dance, but, he still had the courage to show up by himself.

He was 100% virtual his freshman year and even though he found ways to participate…like virtual student council and virtual trivia bowl…he still missed out on so much. And he’s doing his best to make up for lost time.

I don’t know about you, but when I was in high school…the politics and optics of that (going ‘stag’ or solo) were too terrifying for me to overcome.

I went to my Freshman homecoming (the first dance a high schooler can attend) that my mom set me up with a date…and Senior prom (the last dance a high schooler can attend), though I had to ask eight different girls and the one that said yes ditched me after the dance.

I come locked and loaded with PTSD about high school.

I really wanted to be a part of student council in high school…but it was nothing more than a popularity contest (and I wasn’t even in the same zip code as ‘popular’), so, I didn’t participate.

I’ve done my best to hide these moments from Colin, because I want him to go in with all the confidence in the world. To be him…without the burden of my own insecurities. I want him to have a passion for saying 'yes' and trying new things.

In college, a friend dragged me into student government at Mizzou, kicking and screaming. I thought it would be another popularity contest.

It wasn’t.

It was an amazing three years. I met incredible people and helped shape the future of Mizzou. In fact? This logo that you all recognize today…is something my group of student government leaders voted on. 20+ years later, something I had a say in...is still in use.

This image is of the Student Rec center that my group also voted on. We approved increasing student fees to pay for it, even though we'd never see it. Years later, as an alumnus…I got a tour of the building. None of the students knew who I was or that I was part of the group that enabled this building to exist. But just knowing that I was part of building this legacy was enough. It was so fulfilling and something I would have missed out on if I had said ‘no’ to my friend dragging me to student government.

Another friend invited me to a “Step” show in college. I’d never seen or heard of these before. It’s traditionally put on by black Greek-system fraternities and sororities. It’s an incredible experience if you ever get to go. Powerful, energetic, emotional. Truly an experience.

Before the show started, I looked around and realized I was one of the few white people in the room. I leaned over to my friend and mentioned how ‘out of place’ I felt. A guy in front of me turned around and said “now you can see how we feel going to school in the middle of Missouri.”

It was an eye-opening and moving experience. Humbling. And probably a topic for a future blog…but the experience is one I would have never had the opportunity to grow from…had I not said yes.

We all gravitate towards the familiar. The comfortable. I’m a hermit for the most part and find that I still get nervous saying “yes” to things outside of my swim-lane. Despite all of the things I've had the chance to do...I still battle the fear of discomfort.

But growth comes from being uncomfortable; from exploring the white-spaces outside of our familiar activities and faces. Variety truly is the spice of life.

I love that my son had the courage to go to the dance. That he didn’t care about the optics, he wanted to ‘party’ with his friends after a year (or more) of lock-down. I love that he didn’t overthink it…he just dove in.

I don’t know where his courage comes from at this age…it took me until much, much later to march to my own drum and say “yes” to new things. Something that I still find myself fighting to this day.

Yet, he said yes. And he said (I'm quoting) "best night of my life." We can say 'no.' We can stay comfortable. And we can miss out on so much. Or, we can be like my son...say yes to new experiences, optics be damned, and maybe have "the best night of our life."